Don’t ever give people power over you.


“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed.  It means the damage no longer controls our lives”


~unknown

Truth: I don’t always make the best decisions.  I am an overthinker, but not in the way most people are.  I make rash decisions and then worry about them afterwards.  Backwards, but it is pretty consistent with me. This is something that I have recently discovered about myself and I am pretty proud of the revelation.  Of course, even this goes out the window when I am manic. Everything is a great idea, in fact it’s the best idea ever. Never in the world has there been an idea better than this one.  Those decisions, even scarier, I never overthink. However, I do take responsibility for them.

Of course, after a mania comes the inevitable crash. Depression. I can’t get out of bed, I am empty.  I isolate, hid away in my bed away from people, everyone. Even those closest to me cannot help. I don’t let them in.  Not until I am back on the upswing, which happens every time, but when I am depressed, I feel like it is never going to get better.  And then it does, and the world is right again.

Of course, this is just a part of me.  It is not my identity. I deal with it everyday, and it comes with positives as well.  I am creative, so creative. I see the world in a childlike way at times. I get excited at the little things, and it can be infections.  I make people smile. I love, deeply, with my whole heart. I am artsy with my poetry and music, and I to share myself with those around me.  I have reached a place in my life where it is getting easier to be me. I am tired of trying to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am me, flaws and all.  I am full of so much life and love, and is about time I embrace it.

Over the summer, I was in a pretty bad place.  Life kind of blew up and I didn’t, couldn’t handle it on my own.  I resisted getting the help that I needed because of the stigma. I didn’t want to be “that girl”, the crazy one, the one people whisper about.  The weak one. Well, it got to a point where I no longer had a choice to make and I ended up in the hospital. It is one of the best things I have ever done for myself and I couldn’t have done it alone.  It is times like these where you really learn who your friends are, and more importantly, who are not.  To make matters worse, I allowed those who are not, have power over me.  Over my actions, and over my emotions.  Not. Cool.

I’m still healing; I will always be healing, but I am so much better than I was before.  I am strong, and I have purpose and I recognize that. I am not weak, oh hell no, I am not weak.  I am the exact opposite. I am strong. I am loved. I have so much love to give, and now I know my own worth.  I am no longer going to give people power over me. I am no longer giving into the drama. I am better than that.  I need to stand up for myself, because no one is going to do it for me. Look out world, I am done being pushed around.  I am here and I am beautiful, strong, and just crazy enough to keep things interesting. <3

…and she goes on.
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