The Valentine I lost.

“Sometimes the person you fall for is not ready to catch you.”

~unknown

The Monday before Valentine’s Day, I had a date with Andy.  I like Andy. A lot. I was really excited for this date. It was a real date!  He was picking me up for dinner and a movie, I didn’t even think that happened anymore.  It is still the very beginning, but there was already feelings between us, seemingly on both sides.  The butterflies in my stomach while waiting for him were epicly large. Then he arrived.

He is wonderfully awkward, much like myself.  He gave me a big hug and I was able to take a deep breath.  We sat on my couch and talked for a hour or so, then we decided to get tacos from the amazing place around the corner from me.  So we bundled up and walked the two blocks (which may not seem like a lot, but it was 19 degrees and windy). When we got there, they were closed.  Apparently there are no tacos on Monday. Very sad.

We decided to go to the 99 instead, so we walked back to the car.  On the seat was a pretty big Valentines Day bag. He has a daughter so I assumed it was for her.  I let him move it from the seat and when I got in the car he handed it back to me. It was a big pink monkey, a box of chocolates and a set of red and black nail polish.  My favorite. There was also a card but I didn’t read it until later that night.

He was originally going to take me to a small old time theater in Wilton to see an independent film, but none of them really sounded good to me so we went to the theater in town and we saw Bohemian Rhapsody. (Which is AMAZING!  If you have not seen it, you simply must!)  We got to the theater and got settled. I put my hand over on his side and he caught the hint and held it.  We sat together arm and arm, hand in hand for the movie. It was awesome. The thought still makes me smile.  It was a great feeling. After the movie, we held hands and walked to his car. It was time to take me home.

We pulled up to my house and we did the whole awkward good night thing where we were both trying to figure out if the other wanted a good night kiss.  Finally he went for it. The kiss was amazing. First kisses are my favorite. You can tell so much from them. After this kiss, there was no denying that we had chemistry.  Then we had our second, third and forth kiss. All equally as amazing as the first.

Conversation then turned to where we want this to go.  Obviously, not moving straight into a relationship, we we acknowledged that we both really liked each other and would like to see how it was going to progress.  I actually thought about deleting my dating apps because I thought this was going to be something real. I said goodnight with a final kiss then bounced up my stairs with a unstoppable smile on my face.  I couldn’t wait to get upstairs, I wanted to read his card.

I threw my stuff down and grabbed it, what I read made me cry.  How could anyone be so amazing. This is what I wanted, it is what I have been looking for.

The next day, I woke up to a sweet good morning text, and we talked throughout the day in the normal way that we did.  When I got home I messaged him that he could call me tonight, I was going to be home all night. He said sure, he was going to put some laundry in and give me a call.  Now I am not one to wait by the phone, so I was doing other things. Three hours went by and I thought it was weird so I messaged him. Nothing. I called him. Nothing.  I looked him up on facebook. He blocked me. What the everloving hell is going on?

I cried.  I cried a lot.  I had no idea what happened and I felt discarded.  Who does all of those nice things then just ghosts?  I was very upset. I didn’t hear from him all night, and into the next day.  Around mid morning I got the infamous “It’s not you, it’s me, but really it is me.” and “I’m not ready for a relationship.” text.  Now he wants to be friends. I can’t do it. I am sure he didn’t mean to, but he hurt me, and I can’t trust him after that, even as a friend.

So, Valentine’s Days sucked.  I had such high hopes for it being an awesome night by myself, (see my post here) until someone came along and made me believe that was not the case.  He is a nice guy, but in a way I wish I had never met him. I feel like my heart was played with and that is not ok with me.

Here we are, back at the beginning.  Though it is just a little bit harder right now.  I just want someone to hug me and tell me I’m awesome.  Not to much to ask, right? The search continues!

xxoo

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