Love Potion #9


“How do you spell love?” ~Piglet  “You don’t spell it, you feel it.” ~Pooh


~Winnie the Pooh

So, I did a love spell last night.  Normally, I would have done a love spell on the full moon, but the new moon in Aquarius held great energy for this work. (See more here.)  I don’t normally do love spells, I like to let things take its own course, but I am floundering here, and I needed a magickal boost. (More like desperate help! See post “I had a revelation.”)

I worked a petition spell that I got from the Temple of Witchcraft store at Templefest this year.  It was from the book “The Witch’s Heart”, by Christopher Penzcak, one of my teachers.  (PS he is amazing!)

I am not one to just copy a spell out of a book and do it, no matter how awesome it is.  If I am going to do magick, I either write my own spells, or I change them up a bit. I am going to share with you my take on the spell, well all except the details, those are just for me and the Goddess.

Before performing the ritual, we cast a circle and call in the elements to the four quarters.  This time, I mixed it up a bit. I called in Aphrodite, and the four elements but, instead of a circle and four quarters, I cast a heart.  While casting it three times, I walked around it reciting all the things I am looking for in a relationship.

Next I wrote out the petition spell, and cleansed the space with specially prepared incense.  I lit dressed candles, a red one for passion, a pink one for love, and one blessed with the energy of Venus.  I braided a three string cord, adding a heart charm as I recited the spell. I blessed a rose quartz point with the same spell, and then tied the petition rolled up with the cord.  I will carry both with me, until the spell is complete.

Now the most important part of any spell is real world action.  I can’t just sit in my living room and hope that Mr. Right will just knock on the door.  That just doesn’t happen. So I date, and I let my friends set me up on dates, and I see what happens.  Cross your fingers for me!!!

After I cast the spell, something interesting did happen.  I was speaking with a new guy from online and we set a date for next Tuesday, February 12th.  We hit it off well, and I am pretty excited. Funny thing about this date though, it was the day that I started dating my husband, and it was the day I started dating the greatest love my my life, John.  For some reason, this date is important to my romantic life. Yes the relationships ended, but so many loving memories were made with both. I am excited to see what happens!

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What was I thinking?

“We aren’t designing photocopies of web pages, we’re designing web pages.”

~Andy Clarke

If one day, you decide to start a business, or a blog, or both and you say to yourself,  “Self, I will self-host, build, and maintain my own website”, just stop. Take a breath. Don’t do it.  It’s terrible idea, like really bad.

Now, I am a smart girl, I come from a family of techies and I know my way around a computer.  Graphic design totally my thing. Web design? Kill me now.

My friend, and tattoo guy, (see more about him here) helped me set up the domain and the hosting site (because he is awesome), and we loaded wordpress.org and woocommerce so that I could run my blog and my store from the same site.  Sounds like a great idea, right? Yea…

My brain was going to explode trying to fiigure out how to import my blog from the wordpress site, I still can’t figure out how to merge my followers. (That is like 2 months worth of work down the drain, but I am not bitter.)

It got easier though, wordpress.org is actually not very different from wordpress.com.  I downloaded the theme, organized the widgets, and it looks great. Then, on to woocommerce to set up the shop… Nope.

I have never had a program so difficult to use before.  For days, I spent hours trying to figure it out. Nothing I did worked.  I had googled everything possible I could find to help me, I went through all the tutorials, and still nothing.  I actually was close to giving up and just opening the shop on Etsy.

Finally, the other day I was like nope, and deleted the entire the whole plug in and all the pages I had been working on.  Did some research and found another program that was recommended. It’s called Marketpress and it is a life changer!

I downloaded it, a wizard popped up and poof, I have a store.  Now my biggest problem is adding all the products. It is like weight was lifted off my shoulders.  The shop is set to open on Friday. (Yay!)

Probably the best story to come out of this is the story of new users.  This is hilarious now, but not so much then. So two days after I set up the page I started getting emails that said “new user made”. “OMG, I was hacked,” says Harmony’s brain.  I freaked out and changed my already stupid impossible password and deleted both of them. Proud of myself for handling it, I was like, “Take that hackers!”… nope.

Two days later, it happened again.  Three more users… what is happening?? So I clicked on the user.  Maybe I could find some info? Well, that is when I saw it, this new user was labeled “subscriber”.  I have been deleting people who have been signing up for my blog. Seriously this is my life right now.

Last night I was at my brother’s house and pleasantly requested that he follow my blog.  (If you love me, you will do this!) Shortly after, something interesting happened. I got an email, “You have a new blog subscriber!” What?  That is not the same email I got with the other users. My sister in law signs up, same email as my brother. At this point, I am about to jump off a bridge.  So I google, spam. They are spam. The easiest way recommended of getting rid of them? Delete them. Really, that’s it. Delete them.

After all this nonsense, I have learned a lot and I think I can see the finish line from here.  It is my recommendation to self host, maintain, but for the love of gods hire someone to build and design it for you.  

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I Had A Revelation


Who knows what a little
A little love can change?
I know just a little
A little love will change you


Meet me in the middle
In the middle we can meet again
If we meet in the middle
I know you’ll love me til the end

~Josh Farro, Paramore

You know those times in your life when you are going through a bunch of crap and you can’t really figure out why you feel the way you do?  Then out of nowhere, Poof! You figure it out. I call this a revelation. They don’t happen very often, but when they do, it’s awesome! I had one last night, and now I don’t know if I feel better or worse.

I have been having so much fun dating, just having a blast, no strings attached.  Being my own person and meeting some great people, but since I fell into “like” with Mr. Dammit, (See my post, Dammit), things have been weird.  I am no longer satisfied with just dating, I need more and I didn’t understand why this came out of nowhere.  Now I do… I don’t need a relationship, I need intimacy. Or maybe both, I don’t know.

I learned very quickly after my divorce 10 years ago that sex and intimacy do not always go together.  I understand, that for some people they have to, but for me, nope. They are two very, very different things, and I can easily have one without the other.  I have been living in blissful ignorance of how important intimacy is to me and now that I know, I can’t get it out of my head.

I need touch: holding hands in the car, cuddling on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed, legs tangled together just talking about random things.

Forehead Kisses. (So important it gets its own line).

I will say it again, forehead kisses.

I need someone who plays with my hair absentmindedly, texts me just to tell me they are thinking of me, and NOT how excited they are to have sex with me.  See the difference?

My last boyfriend spoiled me.  Not with things, but with love and feelings and touch.  He always told me to wear my seat belt (something I never do, bad I know).  He wasn’t telling me what to do, but expressing that he cared for my safety, so I did.  He could talk me out of bed on bad days, which is not an easy task. At restaurants we would hold hands across the table, we were almost always touching in someway.  I miss that.

I know that everyone is different, but intimacy is intimacy.  I was doing just fine until Mr. Dammit. With him, I had intimacy.  I don’t know how, time was so limited, but it was there nonetheless, and now I remember what it feels like and I am craving it again.


“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.”


~Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

So now that I have this information, I need to figure out what I am going to do with it.  My first impulse was to stop talking to everyone I have been hanging out with, but that seemed rash, so I didn’t do that.  I really need to take inventory (silly word, I know) and see if there is potential there, and if not, move on.. Sounds harsh, but in the end it is about me, and what makes me happy.  If I don’t make changes, then I will live in the same unhappy place forever.

Wish me luck!

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Depression


“I need one of those long hugs where you kinda forget whatever else is happening around you for a minute”


~Marilyn Monroe

There was nothing but numbness.  No emotion, no tears, no anger or pain.  Just nothing. Like an empty hole in my chest.  A hole that nothing could fill. Depression.

The day started out like normal.  I woke up, got some things together, I dropped off a raffle item off for a fundraiser, then I spent some time with a friend. All good things. Then it hit me out of nowhere.  The numbness. It was 2:30pm.

I was dragging by the time I made the twenty five minute trip home.  I pulled myself up to my apartment, then went straight to bed. So many things to do, yet I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  Settled under my weighted blanket I did an anxiety meditation. I said to myself, “I don’t think my brain can handle more than fifteen minutes”.  So I did twenty. Small win for me.

I faded off to sleep quickly.  My alarm set for 5:30 pm so I could wake up and go to the Circle of Sound.  One on my most favorite rituals put on by the Temple of Witchcraft. I never miss a gathering.  When my alarm went off, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t get out of bed. I could barely lift my head to text my friend and let her know I wasn’t coming.  I cried. Just a little. I could have slept all night at that moment. I ended up getting out of bed at 7 pm.

I was numb for the rest of the night.  I didn’t write, I didn’t read, I didn’t even watch TV,  I just kind of sat there for a few hours then went back to bed.  The only reason I got up was to spend some time with the cats. The day needed to be over, and the only way to make that happen was to go to sleep.

I put the cats to bed, took my pills, and tucked myself in.  I needed a hug, I needed to be held, but there was no one there, just me, me and my Winnie the Pooh bear.

Just like that, a perfectly good Sunday down the drain because of a random bout of depression.  There was no trigger, there was no reason for it, it just came out of nowhere and knocked me on my ass.

Come the morning and the world was right again.  This is my life, living with depression.

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By the Light of the Moon


“When you support a small business, you support a dream.”

~Unknown

Counting down the days until the grand opening of my store, (January 31st 2019), By the Light of the Moon. (eek!) I create all natural bath products:  bath salts, sugar scrubs and bath bombs. I also create occult items, most essential oil blends right now, incense to be coming soon. I also read tarot.  Building my magickal brand a little bit at a time.

Ingredients have been purchased, product has been made, photos have been taken and labels have been ordered. This is legit happening in my life right now.  My normally organized house has exploded with ingredients and packaging material. My time is no longer my own.

There is still so much to do that it is overwhelming.  Advertising (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) is honestly exhausting, but seemingly effective. (Follow me pretty, pretty please!)  Network groups are helpful and I have learned a ton is a very small amount of time. Basically the key is consistently.  You can’t take a day off or you fall behind. Sleep is something I no longer have time for. I live off of coffee and Redbull. (It really does give you wings… and anxiety)  

I got word from the FDA today that my products meet all the regulations for beauty products so that is a load off of my mind.  I have a feeling that the FDA is not someone I want to mess with…. Like really. Now I know that I (and others) can sit back in the bathtub, relax and enjoy.

I have also realized that you need to be shameless while plugging your own business.  For example: Dear friend, here is a free sample, do you love it? (Why yes I do) ok please leave a review here (send link).  I’m in sales for a living so you think it would come easier to me, but nope. I got this though, it is my passion and I am going to make it work.

Support small businesses, it is the difference between corporate growth and food on the table, and trust me, we appreciate it!  

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