“It hurts the worst when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.”
Dating is hard. Basically, two strangers meet and decide whether or not they like each other enough to move forward. Move forward where? No one really knows at the beginning. The hard part, is getting both people to feel the same way at the same time. That is where I have trouble. That is why I am feeling unlovable.
I have recently switched my mindset from just casually dating, to actually wanting a relationship. I am starting to think that this was a terrible idea, because all it has done is made me cry. Crying sucks, and I hate feeling alone in a world full of people. Quickly I am finding out that I might not be cut out for this. Maybe I am not someone’s forever person. I don’t know.
I have met a few that have sparked some feels, but nothing that worked out. “It’s not you, it’s me.” is getting pretty freaking old. Eventually, I have to believe that it is me. However, that is ok. I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with the real me. I am not going to put on a perfect face just to find someone. That’s not real. I want something real. Someone who knows my crazy and loves me anyway.
To quote Rent, “Life’s to short babe, time is flying, I’m looking for baggage what goes with mine”. We all have are baggage. Every adult has their stuff to unpack and deal with. The important thing is to find someone who matches your baggage. That way, you can both deal with them together and not lose your minds while doing so.
I don’t know where to go from here. That is a strange feeling. I don’t know what I should do. Do I keep dating with the hopes that someone will stick, or do I give it a rest and hope that someone fantastic will just pop into my life and sweep me off my feet? Both sound pretty terrible at this point. I am a hot mess, but you know what? I am an awesome hot mess that loves with my whole heart. Someday, someone will come along and love me with their whole heart too. It has to happen, that is the way life goes, right? Clearly, patience is a virtue that I do not have.
I am just ready for a happily ever after…